Recent House Discoveries,
2002

We are very happy to at last be living in a house, rather than an apartment. Better yet, it's just been completely renovated, so everything inside is brand new. Well, almost everything. We've had a few visits from the folks Karen has come to call the "worker men".

The Furnace

  1. Our new house has many BIG radiators.
  2. One hot July evening, Rob and Danielle are surprised when Danielle exclaims, "Rob! The radiators are heating up!" Naturally, it's Saturday, so the rental office is closed.
  3. When Danielle calls the emergency line, the Worker Man on the other end doesn't believe her that the heat is on; he infers that she must have turned up the thermostat.
  4. When the Worker Man (on weekend call) arrives Saturday night, he finally believes that (A) "Yes, the radiators are on," and (B) "Yes, the thermostat is turned down low."
  5. Karen starts to become obsessed with knowing everyone's name (the Worker Man, the cashier in the grocery store, some random stranger passing on the sidewalk, etc.)
  6. Karen learns that the Worker Man's name is Bob.
  7. Worker Man Bob is surprised to discover the house still has a Vintage Steam Boiler Furnace in place even after the extensive renovations last year.
  8. Mommy is pleased when Karen sees Worker Man Bob's tools and says, "Hey, those are just like Mommy's tools!"
  9. After Worker Man Bob tinkers for a while, he declares everything fixed, saying, "It should be OK now. But if the heat comes on again, turn it off at the emergency switch, and call us in the morning."
  10. Ten minutes after Worker Man Bob leaves, Rob and Danielle turn it off at the emergency switch and plan to call in the morning.
  11. Ten minutes after that, Rob and Danielle deduce that the emergency switch controls the hot water, too.
  12. Sunday morning, Worker Man Bob returns and discovers that the thermostat was never even connected to the furnace in the first place.
  13. Worker Man Bob now DEFINITELY believes that Danielle didn't turn the thermostat up.
  14. Worker Man Bob tinkers a bit with the boiler and decides to call in an Official Service Man from the Oil Company.
  15. Official Oil Worker Man Bill arrives, obviously not pleased to be working overtime on a Sunday.
  16. Rob and Danielle's air conditioners are not pleased to be working overtime because the heat is on.
  17. Rob and Danielle are not pleased to be paying for electricity for the air conditioners AND oil for heat IN JULY. The other option: cold showers.
  18. Karen and Amy enjoy all the excitement created by Worker Men's visits.
  19. Official Oil Worker Man Bill is surprised to discover the house still has a Vintage Steam Boiler Furnace in place even after the extensive renovations last year.
  20. Official Oil Worker Man Bill tinkers with the boiler and decides that a very old gauge to control steam heat vs. hot water was stuck on. He gets it unstuck and declares, "It should be OK now."
  21. One week later, the radiators turn on immediately any time we use a lot of hot water.
  22. Giving the girls a bath each night uses a lot of hot water.
  23. (You do the math.)
  24. Rob and Danielle call the maintenance line again.
  25. Worker Men Eddie and Peter arrive and are surprised to discover the house still has a Vintage Steam Boiler Furnace in place even after the extensive renovations last year.
  26. Worker Men Eddie and Peter tinker with the furnace and agree with Danielle that, "Yup, this is a problem." They call in an Official Oil Worker Man.
  27. Official Oil Worker Man Bill returns and tinkers for several hours. After completely replacing the old valve gauge, he declares, "It should be OK now."
  28. For several days after, Rob and Danielle can't get any hot water, because apparently it's all going to HEAT THE FREAKIN' RADIATORS!!!
  29. Another Official Oil Worker Man arrives to help.
  30. When Karen wants to know the latest Worker Man's name, Danielle and Karen engage in a 3-year-old's battle: "You ask him." "No, you ask him!" "No, you ask him!!"
  31. Official Oil Worker Man reveals that his name is Bernie.
  32. Official Oil Worker Man Bernie replaces the valve gauge that Official Oil Worker Man Bill replaced, and tweaks a few settings. He declares, "It should be OK now."
  33. Rob and Danielle rejoice that the hot water has actually returned to normal.
  34. Karen and Amy rejoice that their baths are warm again.
  35. Rental Housing Office Assistant Manager David comes by to inspect and is surprised to discover the house still has a Vintage Steam Boiler Furnace in place even after the extensive renovations last year.
  36. The Rental Housing Office is apparently not thrilled to be paying for so many Oil Company overtime visits.
  37. The Rental Housing Office approves funds to replace the tankless vintage furnace with a new furnace AND hot water tank.
  38. The replacement job (originally scheduled for September) keeps getting bumped a week later, since "your house has hot water, and we have some emergency jobs with no hot water."
  39. When cold weather finally sets in, and Rob and Danielle actually want the radiators to turn on, the furnace now takes 40 minutes to start to get heat to the radiators. The replacement job continues to be bumped.
  40. Official Oil Worker Man Wayne arrives to discover that the thermostat is still not hooked up correctly. He also replaces some more antique parts of the boiler, and declares, "It should be OK now."
  41. Now it only takes 25 minutes for steam heat to get to the radiators.
  42. With heating season now well underway, Rob and Danielle continue to wait for the furnace to be replaced.
  43. THE FURNACE IS FINALLY REPLACED, shortly before Thanksgiving. Separate hot water heater to boot. There is much rejoicing.
  44. It should be OK now.


The Squirrel

  1. In the guest room one day, Danielle asks Rob, "Do you hear that scratching in the wall? I think it sounds like an animal!"
  2. Rob's parents visit and discover that the scratching inside the wall of their bedroom is loud enough to keep them awake at night.
  3. After a thorough search of the house (walls, roof, etc.), Rob discovers several holes under the porch into a dank side room of the basement. And millions of half-eaten nuts in a dark corner.
  4. Worker Man Eddie decides it must be the same little red squirrel who was in and out back when they were renovating the house last year.
  5. The little red squirrel taunts the family by leaving a large nut outside the porch door.
  6. Worker Men Eddie and Peter arrive to plug holes in the house while the squirrel is out for the day. All is quiet.
  7. The little red squirrel taunts the family by leaving a large nut in the garage.
  8. The little red squirrel goes scurrying down his hole when the family enters the garage one day. Rats! Another nut left behind. But Rob and Danielle, in spite of getting the crap startled out of them, get a good look at him.
  9. Rob and Danielle patch obvious hole into the garage. All is quiet.
  10. The little red squirrel taunts the family again by leaving a nut on top of the garage door rail.
  11. Danielle discovers the aforementioned nut when it almost falls on her head while she opens the garage door.
  12. Yikes! There's ANOTHER hole in the garage floor.
  13. Yikes! There's a whole bunch of little red squirrels running around the neighborhood.
  14. Caddyshack, anyone?
  15. All is not quiet.
  16. "Do you hear something in the wall...?"


The Oven

  1. Soon after moving in, Danielle notices that the oven is burning everything.
  2. Danielle adjusts by setting the knob at 250 when she wants 375.
  3. Danielle starts using a separate oven thermometer.
  4. Danielle discovers that a wildly sparking and flaming heating coil (this is an ELECTRIC oven) can apparently be put out by turning off the oven.
  5. After waiting for it to cool, Rob and Danielle investigate the coil and discover that it has broken into two large pieces, with other fragments partially melted and partially shattered.
  6. Rob agrees that, yes, that oven was probably getting too hot.
  7. Worker Men Eddie and Peter (by now almost members of the family) are impressed with the remains of the heating coil, and make the technical comment, "Whoaaah!"
  8. Worker Men Eddie and Peter, preparing to replace the coil, decide to check the heat regulator in the oven controls and discover that it, too, has melted.
  9. Worker Men Eddie and Peter decide that it'd be better to chuck the whole stove and get us a new one.
  10. We get a new stove!


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